Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you have to choose: penises or morals?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
