Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
