Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im holly from the hills drunk
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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