Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I could make wine with my vomit
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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