the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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