I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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