he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Pants are for mortals
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
