OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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