I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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