Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
