bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
