After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
