nut hugger
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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