We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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