Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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