Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
