recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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