I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
