just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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