He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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