So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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