i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
