is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
