Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
