Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
