my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
