wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
