look no pants
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
