all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
