You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
