You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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