Sry I called you an 8
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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