He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
