Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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