this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
