It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i think my cat just said my name.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
