make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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