three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I came so hard my ears popped.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
