tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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