Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
