Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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