What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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