Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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