fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
