I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Randomize
