I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
