Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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