I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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