I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
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