i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
